


This is all

by CirrusGrey



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Episode Related, Gen, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Reminiscing, episode 179 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:53:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26528536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CirrusGrey/pseuds/CirrusGrey
Summary: SPOILERS FOR MAG 179!!!"The first time Daisy made me smile," Jon says, out of nowhere, arm still around Martin and eyes unfocused on the horizon, "truly smile, I mean. It was two days after we came out of the coffin."
Relationships: Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist & Alice "Daisy" Tonner, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 41
Kudos: 201





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**Author's Note:**

> Title from an Archivistbot [post](https://cirrus-grey.tumblr.com/post/627618554006650880/statement-of-the-henhouse-regarding-walter-m) on tumblr that lives in my soul rent free:
> 
> _After that, we put Marcellus back into the ground. We did that, and we ached for a while. And after that, we talked and sang, and he was in the stories we told, and he was in the songs we sang. And we remembered how he looked and all the things he did, and we remembered his laughter, and we missed him because he was gone._
> 
> _And we were sad._
> 
> _And then we started our lives again without him._
> 
> _This is all._

Despite Jon's assurances of his own health, they are only a handful of steps away from Basira before his leg gives out on him. Martin is there, ready to catch him before he falls, and Jon gives him a grateful look as he slips his arm around his waist for support. Martin is not surprised at the confirmation that his haste to leave was more for Basira's sake than his own.

They limp on.

Martin is trying not to think. Trying not to notice how slight Jon's weight is against his side, how fragile he feels. He'd become accustomed to thinking of Jon as invincible far quicker than he would have guessed, and this harsh reminder that he is not... Martin doesn't have a word strong enough to encompass the terror he felt, watching Jon hit the ground with Daisy's teeth in his leg.

Basira is out of sight, now. He's trying not to think about that, too.

After how long it'd taken them to find her, to make sure she was  _ safe... _

"The first time Daisy made me smile," Jon says, out of nowhere, arm still around Martin and eyes unfocused on the horizon, "truly smile, I mean. It was two days after we came out of the coffin."

He pauses. Martin does not think he is expecting a response, and so he does not give one.

"She had been trying to walk, but her legs were absolutely shot from spending so long underground. She managed to drag herself to my office, though, and then she collapsed into a chair and just looked at me.

"'Jon,' she said - and I remember, it was still so weird to hear her call me by my first name - 'Jon,' she said, 'I'm scared, even though I'm free. I can't walk, and if I can't walk, I can't protect anyone. You all need me to be able to protect you.'

"I don't... I don't remember exactly what I said to her, but it was something to the extent of, 'focus on yourself, the rest of us can look after ourselves.' She laughed, and said that if that were true, I'd have never jumped into the coffin after her.

"That was... well, it made me pause. It was  _ true, _ to some extent, but... I also knew  _ she  _ needed help. She looked so... so  _ lost, _ without the Hunt to guide her. Without- without that  _ surety  _ that she was doing the right thing, that- that single-minded purpose."

He pauses for a moment; sighs. "Anyway. I offered to help her. I still remember most of the exercises my physical therapist gave me to build up strength in my legs again after Prentiss, so I started showing her those. We must have looked a sight, sitting on the floor of the office going through all those stretches.

"She asked me where I had learned them. She and Basira had been part of the team called in to deal with the aftermath of Prentiss, so I didn't have to go into all the details, but I- I told her what had happened, why I'd needed physical therapy. She paused for a moment, just looking at me, her head tilted slightly to the side. I thought she was looking at the scars, but... but then she said,  _ completely  _ deadpan: 'I'm glad that never happened to me. That would have really bugged me.'"

Jon shakes his head in remembered amusement. Martin rolls his eyes and chuckles dutifully, despite the utter  _ awfulness  _ of the pun.

"It wasn't even that funny," Jon continues again after a moment. "It was just... god, I'd never have guessed she was a pun person. It made me smile."

Martin can hear, in his voice, that he is smiling now as well, though he is sure it is a sad one. He allows the moment to linger, stretching on as Jon gets lost in memories, and then he takes a deep, deliberate breath and says:

"The first time I met Daisy, she was trying to arrest you for murder."

Jon winces. Martin can feel it against his side, and he tightens his arm around him for a moment, trying to soothe the sting of the memory.

"It was when she came in to interview everyone at the Institute, trying to figure out where you'd gone. She was pretty insistent when she was questioning me, absolutely convinced I would know. She said... well, she said everyone else had said me and you were close."

There is a small huff of breath as Jon realizes why Martin has brought up this particular memory, and Martin smiles.

"I have no idea what my face did when she said that, but it must have been pretty ridiculous given what  _ her  _ face did in response. I went all squeaky, started asking who'd been gossiping about us... honestly, it's a bit embarrassing in hindsight, but..." He trails off. "I- I guess I don't really have a point to telling you this."

"Do you need one?" Jon says quietly, and Martin supposes he doesn't. Grief is a strange emotion.

"I wish I'd gotten a chance to tell her," Jon says after a moment. "About us. She spent so long listening to me talk about you, I think she would have like to know that it worked out in the end. She would have... yeah. She would have liked that." His voice falls as he speaks.

"She knew." Martin says it with absolute certainty. Jon looks at him in surprise. "I didn't really know her, not like you did," he continues, "But I know that she believed in you. She knew you could do it, that you would find me and save me from the Lonely. She knew."

Jon contemplates that. "You're right," he says eventually. "She did." His voice is thickening with tears. "I'm going to miss her."

"I know." Martin leans over, closing the gap between them and pressing a soft, gentle kiss to Jon's cheek. "I'm glad you got the chance to know her. That you had the chance to know each other."

"Me too," Jon says, and his voice dips quieter as he repeats it. "Me too."

Martin holds him close against his side. It is the only comfort he can offer, but he knows Jon, and he knows that it is enough.

They limp on.


End file.
